I'm Scared. Hold Me!

I receive a lot of innoxious mail; Buy my printer, Want cheaper consumables, Look at our specials... you may as well send me a piece of paper with 'Please Recycle' printed all over it. If I want to buy equipment or change a (well thought through) procurement arrangement then I'll research it and your stupid hey-look-I-killed-another-forest piece of paper isn't going to effect my decision whatsoever.

But the other day I got this:

Crikey, Yes I am! Is some kindly terrorist organisation letting me know about an imminent attack? Is some kind of Godzilla-type monster about to erupt from beneath the Sydney Harbour Bridge and kill us all? Is the Council letting us know about a Harbour Bridge rock concert complete with pyrotechnics show? I have to know! With trepidacious fingers, I know, even my fingers were afraid at the thought of an over-rated Rock Trio unleashed on the RED ZONE, I turned the card over...

[I have removed contact details and names in case police are investigating the
picture of the scary looking women who has obviously smashed her child's head into a window]

Oh. My. God. In a state of small-yipping-dog-like-panic I quickly ran about the office to see if any of our windows might cause unimaginable human casualties. And let me tell you, none, I repeat, none of our windows had the necessary protection. Aghast, I fired off an email as soon as I could calm myself enough to consider sitting still;

-----Original Message-----
From: Rich
Sent: Wednesday, 25 April 2007 7:20 PM
To: ['Your Going To Explode Any Second' Glass Suppliers]
Subject: Oh God, HELP!

Dear [Fear Mongers]

I am in the Red Zone and was certainly part of the many who were completely unaware that "Glass becomes like flying razor blades" in the event of an out of control suicide bomber.

Firstly, I would like thank you for your timely warning for had you not so unselfishly shared this information with our office we may have remained ignorant of these troubling bomb detonation statistics. I'm sure we all agree that ignorance in whatever form should not be tolerated.

Secondly, our internal procedures call for this type of capital works to be placed to tender, with a minimum of three respondee's, and as you can imagine the tender process takes a while to put in place, to have tenders ratified, and for work to be completed. So if you could let us know when the attack might take place and if it is before you can install the Safety Window Film I will, for staff safety, close the office that day.

I also noted that you supply a free CD. Can you please send the CD and any other information you have on bomb detonation to our office as soon as possible. As some of our staff would prefer not to hear anecdotal stories or see images of people affected by glass shattering ten blocks from an explosion could you include an index with the CD so that I may direct those staff members from the room during the presentation of such material.

I am most anxious for your response.

Sincerely

Rich, etc...

They haven't responded yet, which leaves me feeling most anxious indeed, but I'll be sure to let people know if they do. ARE YOU IN THE RED ZONE?