1/18/2008

Wow, I think I'm going to take this job!

Just got an email through the school for a job with a Sydney based company that needs some filming done at some of their Sex Workshops.

Now, work is work but apparently these people are Sexperts and they're offering advice like this...

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Sex Advice, super sex tips, sex sexcrets revealed, sexual energy, Sexpert, Australian Sex Coach, how to have great sex, love toys, Sex Workshops, ideas to spark up the relationships, unleash your sexuality and

Sex Secrets Revealed
50 simple ways to heat her up...
and a few ideas for what to do


Buy her a silk thong - Pass it under the table at a restaurant and ask her to go to the ladies' room and change into it. Now that's a first date I would love to video!

Embrace her until she makes the move to leave - Don't underestimate the heating power of a great hug, especially when she initiates it. Make it clear you don't want the hug to end. I challenge anyone to do this for more than 3 or 4 seconds. That wont be weird at all!

Wear her name - Write her name on your shoulder, your hand, or any place she'll have a chance of spotting it. It's a tattoo without pain--one that gives only pleasure. "It will make her laugh and think you're so adorable," says Davidson. "It says, 'You matter.' " No, it either says, 'I'm an obsessive freak' or it says, 'I can't remember your name'.

Whisper into her ear - In public tell her what you want to do to her later: "Tonight, I'm going to make you have as many orgasms as possible." OK, I just tried that and although my Boss says she's understanding I think macing an employee in response is just going too far... maybe I shouldn't have tried it in the workplace.

Make yourself sick - Leave love notes around the house--in the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, under her pillow. That much sweetness might make you nauseous, but it'll make her feel like a lovesick teenager. You're sick alright! She will be wondering how you got into her apartment. Answer: Through the bathroom window... I know officer, but really, it was only 4 stories up and she DID leave the window open.

Apply her lipstick - Shave her legs, paint her toenails, or brush or wash her hair. And get her to call you Mommy. You really might want to get her permission before trying this stuff. Cause that's... wait, *looks at the next piece of advice*

Make a bedroom burrito - While you're rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can't do anything with her arms (think burrito or straitjacket). Leave her head, shoulders, and lower legs uncovered. It's simple, spontaneous, and soft-core. Um... if by 'rolling around in the bedroom' you mean 'struggling with her in the bedroom' you really don't have her permission do you?! That's a felony dude. Leave her alone and seek help!

Go into the closet - Novelty is an aphrodisiac. With unusual settings, with strange sensations, smells, and muffled sounds, will make sex feel new. Confined spaces add urgency. Why do I get the impression the only muffled sounds will be her screams. Although now I understand this type of advice, confined spaces, in the closet? You mean like a car boot don't you! This advice is really for serial killers who are secretly gay and want to torture the opposite sex.
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You'd have to be completely clueless to go to these people for sex advice. Wow, could you imagine even combining two or three of these on a date; Hug her and don't let go, ask her to wear a thong and then try to put on her make up. Gosh you'd be totally 'in'. Wait, I'm not sure I'd want to date a girl who'd let me do that...

I guess it could make for an interesting job.

Take: 9

Blogger Diana Crabtree mused...

I think you will need an assistant to film there...I volunteer!

Fri Jan 18, 03:55:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Get back in the closet Diana!

Sheesh, you take the gaffer tape off for one second and they get all lippy ;)

Fri Jan 18, 04:25:00 pm

 
Blogger Scarlet Hip mused...

Who founded this company? Ted Bundy? Clearly this company trains serial killers under the guise of being sexperts.

Sat Jan 19, 08:16:00 am

 
Blogger Diana Crabtree mused...

Wrapping someone in gaffer's tape and keping them in the closet, sexay!, that sex coach is teaching you well

Sun Jan 20, 02:22:00 am

 
Anonymous handmaiden mused...

Oh my God! that is fucking funny!!!

Really it is! I don't say fuck & splatter all these exclamation marks around for nothing!!!

bedroom burrito!!! ha ha ha!

Sun Jan 20, 02:33:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

That's my thinking Ms Hip! I should fit riiiight in. *evil laugh*

Mon Jan 21, 12:22:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

I know Diana! He's like the Yoda of sexperts.

Mon Jan 21, 12:23:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Yeah, I'd not heard of a bedroom burrito, but then again... Maybe I would have heard of this strangely (strangle-y) disturbing bedroom techinique if I was a sexpert or bed bound hungry mexican.

Mon Jan 21, 12:25:00 pm

 
Blogger concerned citizen mused...

Man, you really have to put up with some weird comments! you are fast on the rebound, too!

Tue Jan 22, 03:19:00 pm

 

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