4/01/2008

Conspiracy

We had the most marvellous weekend. Both relaxing and energising, sleepy and sporty; the perfect balance of pure luxury and down to earth small town fun. But there was something a little weird going on in that town.

We stayed in a little non-touristy town (as is our want) on a beautiful creek, whose name I wont mention here, and filled our days either swanning about in the luxury Bed and Breakfast; or...


fishing the creek with all manner of bird life. On one night we caught about 7 fish, threw back five and kept two for a BBQ by the creek;


or kayaking out on beautiful Lake Macquarie.

But I think in reality we had happened upon a town run by some sort of strange cult. It started with what we thought was some kind of joke, a strange fetish... that's right, some sort of donkey fetish cult!


The afternoon we arrived we noticed this 'logo' was stickered onto the outside of a painting in the reception of the B&B. Strange we thought...


But not as strange as the large donkey surrounded by swirling energies that adorned the window of largest shop in the small main street.


There were donkeys in all the windows of all the shops! This isn't a great photo... but after photographing this donkey in the window of a store the locals started paying close attention to us. This Donkeys speech bubble said something about 'community spirit'.

We thought it prudent to go back to our B&B...


Waiting for us in the shared lounge of the B&B was, you guessed it, a donkey. It was obviously a warning for us not to pry into the donkeys. Notice the strange 'orbs' that circle the donkey.

Over the next few days we tried to snap pictures of the donkeys that adorned every backyard that faced onto the creek. Unfortunately every time we tried to line up a shot the curtains would twitch or someone would walk out onto their back porch. It was almost as if they were expecting us. Needless to say we didn't get a lot of shots. It didn't make any sense to us but with this strangely unspoken threat hanging in the air we knew to start pretending to ignore the ever present donkeys.


The last photo taken here was followed by someone walking out of their back door and, with an aggressive stance, proudly but silently making a sign that can only be described as Donkey Ears. Holding the forearms directly up to the ears and waving the hands in our direction as if to mimic donkey ears... we fled.

On our last day there, not wanting to be in the town, we borrowed some bicycles from the B&B and went for a tour of the local district. And despite the occasional Kookaburra laughing at us it was very pleasant.



But as we came back into town, we were cut off by a large white van. Behind the tinted windows was a man that can only be described as having a piggish white face hidden under a mop of curly brown hair. He quickly rattled off an address followed by that same Donkey Ears gesture. My curiosity peaked, I managed to convince Mooncar to come with me to that address and after having a little trouble finding it we cycled in through the front gate of a large tree lined housing compound. The piggish gentleman walked nervously across the gravelled walkway towards us, and that's when we heard the low hum of an engine...


The strange thing is... there have been no reports of missing aircraft at all.

Needless to say, after the crash that barely missed us as I took the photo and resulted in the demise of this poor fellow, we got back on our bikes and went straight to the train station without collecting our belongings from the B&B. As we rode the first train out of town we considered ourselves very lucky to be alive and resolved never to go back into the Donkey country of the central coast ever again.

It was a fun weekend though, certainly not boring.



Take: 38

Blogger Shelley Noble mused...

Drat. You two have discovered the truth. Yes, we do worship donkeys, well, not all donkeys, just our leader, Yeehaw. And we own a chain of wishing wells across the globe... you stumbled upon one of our R&D compounds.

Wed Apr 02, 11:38:00 am

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Eeeeeep! They're everywhere, even on the blogs!

I do have to ask though... what kind of Yeehaw worshipping donkey cult kills people with light aircraft?

Wed Apr 02, 11:50:00 am

 
Anonymous handmaiden mused...

I think I can understand a Donkey cult. I am well acquainted with Donkeys. Once when I was young, my father kept for the Summer, all the Donkeys for a Donkey basketball team. I still to this day have never seen a Donkey basketball game, though. But, I remember hanging over the fence of the corral trying to imagine that moth eaten bunch of starved Donkeys playing basketball with the Harlem Globtrotters. & then we had our own Donkey once, named "Jack" that we used to ride. "Ride" meaning we would set on Jack's boney back as he plodded along. Sometimes he would get bored & try to rub us off along the fence. Once when I was riding him he stepped in a bucket, THAT was exciting! Now even though I am all grown up, If I am riding along in the car & I see a Donkey in a field...I stick my head out the window & give a hearty Hee Haw!

Wed Apr 02, 02:15:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Well, I guess you always did say that you came from a strict Xtian background. Who would have known it was a donkey cult.

I've been doing some reading about this religious group on the net... here is some of their teachings.

"I would like to call the Donkeys. The Donkeys are those who like the same donkey that Jesus rode; wait upon Him to become enthroned in their hearts. These are those who are humble to God’s will and can be unmovable when Jesus is in their hearts. The Donkeys are those that do not see God, yet act upon His commandments in their lives. The Donkeys are those that enter into glory with Jesus in their hearts. As a matter of facts the Donkey’s key mission statement is found in Matthew 11:28-30 that states, “come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give your rest, take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” The latter part of this text is what the Donkeys are all about. They love to take upon themselves the yoke of Christ.

True glory my friend is partaking of the yoke of Christ. And we know that this glory will have it’s fruition in heaven with a crown of life. These are the donkeys."

Are you a Donkey L>t? Is that it?

Wed Apr 02, 02:27:00 pm

 
Anonymous handmaiden mused...

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Well, I'll tell you any one that has ever been married will tell you THAT is bullshit.

Am I a Donkey? An ass, occasionally, a Donkey...well, I don't know if you understand Donkeys, really. The concrete Donkey in the yard is kinda like the concrete black lackey in the yard. It's a matter of misconception.
Donkey's are not that docile.

Wed Apr 02, 02:53:00 pm

 
Blogger Diana Crabtree mused...

They were Scientologists

Wed Apr 02, 04:03:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Ha! Handmaiden, I think that's meant to be the big JC talking there. As for the marriage bit, well, I'll let you discover that whole Da Vinci thing for yourself.

No, every Donkey I've met has acted all docile and then attempted to bite something off me the moment my back is turned. Which is why I thought the Donkey cult seemed interesting.

Hmmm, racist undertones... interesting.

Wed Apr 02, 04:10:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Ahhh, no Diana, no they weren't. Not unless Donkeys are part of the knowledge revealed after OT level 5... wait, it all makes sense now. Xenu packed people around volcanoes... of course, what's the best pack animal to use for that type of thing? Donkeys... I think I just achieve OT Level VI! Awesome!

Wed Apr 02, 04:15:00 pm

 
Blogger Diana Crabtree mused...

Wow! How did you know that? I spent 3 years on "the donkey bridge" to learn that.

Wed Apr 02, 04:27:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

When you see a guy get Donkey Punched by a plane, things just kinda slip into place.

OK, that's a little sick...

Mind you, it's not as sick as the donkey fetish this town had. They were eeeevvvvveeerrryyyyywwwwhhheeerreee!

Wed Apr 02, 04:36:00 pm

 
Blogger Diana Crabtree mused...

Eww. I just looked up that term on Urban dictionary. Eww.

Does that town have a donkey sanctuary that rescues neglected donkeys?

If so, which came first, the donkey worship, or the sanctuary?

Wed Apr 02, 05:00:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Yuh! It's a beaut of a term ain't it!

There is a Sanctuary for donkeys near this town yes... one may even be inclined to say the plane was somewhere very close within the vicinity of a religious organisation that supports the sanctuary.

I don't know... but it is veeery weird.

Wed Apr 02, 05:06:00 pm

 
Blogger Diana Crabtree mused...

I am glad you guys made it out of there without being converted.

And if I ever go to Australia you damn well know I am visiting there, but with protective talismans in tow!

Wed Apr 02, 05:10:00 pm

 
Blogger Anonymous mused...

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." They are confused and should be worshipping BIRDS! Donkeys in Old Sydney Town only eat cardigans, they sure have progressed with their punching from aeroplanes near Lake Macquarie! I'm REALLY worried about booking a B&B in those parts for the school holidays now ... might just suffer at home instead!!!

Wed Apr 02, 05:34:00 pm

 
Blogger Anonymous mused...

PS: Fine shot of a Spoonbill on the left in first photo! I might just practise dodging and darting and take the risk now I know there are Spoonbills there. Hmmmm ....

Wed Apr 02, 05:39:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

What do you mean 'if'? When you come to Oz it would be my pleasure to be your protective talisman Diana and take you on a tour of the lake and surrounding coast. It's absolutely beautiful there.

Wed Apr 02, 06:55:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Anonybird... Shhhhh... don't tell anyone, but there's not a lot to the donkey thing... it's strange to see so many but there's no subversiveness to go along with it... or is there? Maybe I've been converted and don't know it ;)

Thinking of going, oh you should, it's excellent. We stayed at Christina's B&B in Dora Creek. I highly recommend it! They were very tolerant of our crazy demands. And the three course breakfasts are to die for... and of course there are Spoonbills a plenty. Mooncar (my GF) and I saw a group of 5 fishing in one little area from about 3 metres away when we were on the kayak (wear sunscreen... ouch, my legs!). I've never seen so many.

Ands apparently the numbers are way down since the drought has broken because they've all gone to the re-flooded wetlands.

I want to go back now!

Wed Apr 02, 07:03:00 pm

 
Blogger The Phosgene Kid mused...

Almost as "earry" as my trip to Muleshoe, TX.

Thu Apr 03, 06:14:00 am

 
Blogger Scarlet Hip mused...

I think you made this whole thing up.

Thu Apr 03, 07:03:00 am

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Although I can't quite work it out I think there's a hidden message there Phos... I'm not sure I like it.

It's just so wrong.

Thu Apr 03, 08:30:00 am

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Ms Hip, the photo's speak for themselves. These people love their donkeys... and the plane was just weird.

Thu Apr 03, 08:32:00 am

 
Blogger SafeTinspector mused...

Lookit the plane! THat dude is completely out of it, if he doesn't dodge he'll be eating props like a goat in a porno.

Mentalists the world over will tell you the power of the mule trumps the power of the ass due to its increased ability to focus. That's because it is sterile and uninterested in sex, leaving its tiny tiny brain more room for the better things in life. Like conjuring small leisure air-craft.

Don't believe what they told you, NOTHING. Especially the posted prices of sundries, potables and entrees. The mule/ass has increased their costs 20% above market rates. As far as cult practices go, its pretty innocuous unless you feel financially violated in the same way that a disemboweled co-ed feels violated by her serial killer/rapist/tax accountant.

Thu Apr 03, 12:42:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Ah ever thoughtful SafeT, This is why you're missed.

None to surprisingly the piggish gentleman used his cultist born powers to catch the prop betwixt his butt cheeks. Of course, as any high school physics student proficient in the ways of inertia will tell you, you can't instantly stop physical rotation and as the planes body counter rotated in his vice like grip he was thrown several hundred metres through the air to his death.

20% you say? Fiendish!

Thu Apr 03, 12:55:00 pm

 
Blogger PFE Music mused...

OK then, seems I've missed out on the recreational drugs yet again!

Thu Apr 03, 01:44:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

It would seem that way Tich, but you'd be wrong. Unless of course you are talking about joining a Donkey cult, then yes, I'm sure those guys would HAVE to be on some sort of recreational drug.

Thu Apr 03, 01:59:00 pm

 
Blogger Anonymous mused...

We're all booked! Not in same B&B because have a couple of teens to lock into a boathouse BUT the same creek! I'll endeavour to further investigate donkey business and remember to use Donkey Ears if in need and sunscreen :)

Thu Apr 03, 06:30:00 pm

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

You must absolutely, without adoubt, 110%, use sunscreen! The water that splashed over the edge of the Kayak washed the sunscreen off my shins... they're now like crispy duck. Yeeeeeoooouch!

No, couldn't be the same B&B. Ours said, 'no children!' as a rule. It's a little more romantic than teenagers ;)

If you do decide fresh fish is something you'd like to BBQ one night; take foil, a little oil, lime and sea salt (yummmmm!). Make sure to take some rods (we used crappy plastic hand reels) and fish at the water Inlet. The locals on the creek will know where I mean, it's a place you're guaranteed a catch and there's a gutting table (gross, I know) right there. I suggest using frozen whitebait cause the best tasting fish will go crazy over it.

PS. the donkeys won't bother you if you don't bother them :D

Thu Apr 03, 10:42:00 pm

 
Blogger Gnat of Glass mused...

Are you sure you where not in Tijuana? They love the donkeys there.


Gnat.
.

Fri Apr 04, 06:35:00 am

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Now I know 3 things about Tijuana, the other two are; they drink a lot of tequilla there (and I did make Margarita's while we were away... Mmmm limey AND salty) And for some reason Nirvana did a gig there.

Fri Apr 04, 08:31:00 am

 
Blogger Squid Vicious mused...

Ass-uming you had a good time? Don't mess with the donkeys. They will mess you up. Although the mexicans refer to them as "burros". A little burro is called a "burrito". So think about the plight of the donkey the next time you cozy up to a vegamite burrito.

Fri Apr 04, 11:34:00 pm

 
Blogger handmaiden mused...

OK hombre Donkey boy. This post has gone on far too long. comprendae? When I get back (abla espanola) hopefully you'll have moved beyond your obsession with Mexico & Donkeys.

Sat Apr 05, 02:01:00 am

 
Blogger Bimbimbie mused...

Don't tell me the Kooka "borros" have a hee haw laugh about them over the QLD/NSW border *!*

Sat Apr 05, 06:00:00 pm

 
Blogger The Phosgene Kid mused...

Maybe we're descended from burros instead of monkeys. I know a few mulish people that fit that theory.

Sun Apr 06, 06:04:00 am

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

Squid, vegemite burritos are part of our long and glorious Donkey related history. Stop being so insensitive, only I'm allowed to mock my culture. Next you'll be having a go at me because I'm black (it's only vegemite rubbed on!)

Handmaiden! Are you telling me what I can and can't post... sheesh, ooookay...

Ha! Yes, Bimbimbie, the wild Kookaburro sits in the old gum tree hee-hawing and cleaning his ear plummage down here in NSW.

Well, that would explain Jim Careys teeth... Hmmmm... I think you may be onto something there Phos.

Mon Apr 07, 04:27:00 pm

 
Blogger arthbard mused...

Oh, the donkey cultists aren't that bad once you get to know them. I mean, sure, they might kill a few people every now now and then ... And engage in unnatural ... Relationships ... With donkey-kind ... But really ... Who can honestly say they haven't thought of doing that?

Tue Apr 08, 08:46:00 am

 
Blogger G3T Films mused...

ARTHBARD! You're alive!

Wait, what are you saying? The murderous cult isn't so bad? You want to have a relationship with a Donkey? Dear Donkey headed god. Why? Why have you sent your unholy minion, Arthbard, against me? Have I not suffered enough without you rubbing in my face that I'm the only one who wasn't clued into this Donkey cult... really... please let me join... I'm lonely!

Tue Apr 08, 11:21:00 am

 
Anonymous handmaiden mused...

I don't even remember posting that! Somebody must be impersonating me. I hear that happens in the blogsphere.

Oh Arthbard is back? I was imagining what might of happened to him. Brainwashing by the donkey cult was not at the top of my list.

Tue Apr 08, 02:27:00 pm

 
Blogger arthbard mused...

Rich: Yes, quite alive. Not dead at all, in any way whatsoever. Well ... At least, not anymore, you know. Truly amazing, these donkey cults. Granted, the zombification process was a little uncomfortable, but the smell's not so bad once you get used to it. And now I get to eat brains!

I'll try to put in a good word for you, but I don't know how much good it will do. They have a very strict "No Riches" policy.

Handmaiden: I'm tired of people constantly badmouthing the donkey cult. Honestly, I wasn't "brainwashed" in any way. I mean, all they did was take my brain out and scrub it with soap and water that I might be more receptive to the obviously correct ideas of the donkey deity, Ass Almighty.

I mean ... Really ... That's nothing like brainwashing, at all.

Wed Apr 09, 10:57:00 am

 

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